went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
