So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
