just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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