Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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