I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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