I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
