Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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