I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
