Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
