I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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