and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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