that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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