I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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