My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
