Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
