told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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