dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do cheetos always look like penises
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
