So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
