i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
