i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
