I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
