Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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