Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
