Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
