If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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