Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
