Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
