Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
