I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
