I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize