I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
