We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
