Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
