Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i barfeds in our rink
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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