the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
