no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
