my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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