sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize