My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
