My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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