well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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