i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
