Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize