I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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