We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize