areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
