Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
