My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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