I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
