as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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