Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
