did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
