Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
