tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
