dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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