fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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