I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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