The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
