Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
