So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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