how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
