ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
