just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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