Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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