Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
