I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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