I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
